Episode 43

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Today I decided to clean my attic. The first step to cleaning the attic, is to get in the attic. This is rather difficult for my attic, being as the attic is disconnected from the house. I know this sounds strange, but there is literally a floor between us. You might call it, the attic’s attic. First, I had to find a ladder. I borrowed my neighbor’s. I don’t think he knew, but that’s okay. When I finally got the ladder into the house, I situated it under the trap door that leads to the first attic’s attic. I know this sounds strange, because it is.
This is my house:

These are my attics:

This is me, getting from my second floor through the tunnel that lead's to the attic's attic:

This is me in the attic's attic. Now I can go through the trap door into the regular attic.

So you see, it is very hard to move anything from the attic, because you have to go through the attic's attic, into the tunnel, and into the house. And it is very hard to move anything from the house into the attic, because you have to go through the tunnel, into the attic's attic, and into the attic. I never cleaned my attic. I got too tired of crawling through tunnels. Whoever designed this house was an idiot. Then I paused, and reflected on life and realized, I did my own designing. Thus ends this week's reflections. And then my mirror image disappeard.

[images copyright Mr.Smith 2009]

Episode 42

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Space…the final frontier. It has been a long time since I have been there. In fact I had never been there. This should change, thus sayeth the Lord. Mr. Smith, that is. After unpacking from my extensive trip, I set about to building a rocket. I went down to my basement, tinkered around with a few things, and finally, after about a month, finished it. A rocket. Unfortunately, it was only the scale model. Then I paused and realized, if it took me a month to make a model at a scale 1 to 100, it would take me a hundred months to create the real thing. So I decided, if I couldn’t go to space, I would send the next best thing – a picture of me. I carried my model rocket into my backyard. I stood it on its point. Then I looked at it and realized, there was definitely something wrong. I put it on its side. I placed the picture of myself in the capsule. I lit the fuse. I stepped back. The rocket exploded. I stepped even further back. I landed on my rear end, in the siding of my neighbor’s house. After I finally worked my way loose, I decided I would need a bigger rocket. So I made another one, at a scale of 1 to 101. After a month and a day of work, it was completed. I looked around in my photo albums for a better one of myself. I decided to send the one of me dressed as Elvis into space. I took my rocket out into my backyard, but I didn’t really have one anymore, it was just a crater. So I decided to launch it in my neighbor’s backyard. This time I placed the rocket with its point facing up. I lit a match. It lit the fuse. The fuse burned down. The rocket burned up. When I awoke, I saw its smoke trail leading up into the sky. It was a success. Or so I thought, until I heard on the radio, about a jumbo jet being hit by a rocket piloted by Elvis.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 41

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. I, Mr. Smith, battered and bruised, black and bloody, I…needed to go home. Home is where the hurt is. I mean…the heart. There I was in Alaska. I knew I needed to go home. Wait…I already covered that. I started walking south. After I had been walking for what seemed like minutes (because it was) I bumped into something white and soft. It was the rear end of a polar bear! The camera zoomed out and I saw a humongous heard of polar bears blocking my path! And I pondered, why do polar bears travel in herds? In fact, I don’t think they do. Then I paused and reflected on life and how much these polar bears resembled sheep. I decided to brave the sheep and walk through. On the other side was portal to Kansas, otherwise known as a tornado. I took one step, then two, then three, then five. I skipped over four because there was some sheep doo. After I had waded through the sea of sheep, I looked back on the herd, I realized it was very small. Suddenly my hair stood on end and I was sucked up into the portal. The land around me went dark. When I opened my eyes again, I was back home, in Kansas. I looked down at my little dog and said, “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Alaska anymore!” Then I realized, I didn’t have a dog. And its name wasn’t Toto. In front of me, I saw my house – nothing like the sweet smell of home. Then I gagged, and realized there was nothing sweet about it. The septic tank had exploded.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 40

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. There I was, freezing my proverbial tail off. My whole life flashed before my eyes. Was this the end of Mr. Smith? I paused and reflected on life as I stared at rafters in the cold damp barn. And I wondered, do pigeons live in Alaska? And I saw on the rafters, a rare white Alaskan pigeon, known for its large amounts of excrement. It was as if I saw into the future – something wet and slimy was on my face. In slow motion I saw bird poop coming down from the rafters. I twisted to the side and rolled over into a pile of eggs. My vision had come true. Something slimy was indeed on my face. And the pigeon said “In yo face!” And I paused and reflected on the merits of talking to pigeons. I realized, pigeons don’t talk. Suddenly a middle aged woman jumped from the rafters and landed in front of me. She said “howdy, partner!” She stuck out her hand; “put it there, partner!”
“Are you a cowboy?” I asked.
“After failing to win the vice-president election, I decided to become an Alaskan cow-girl and herd polar bears.”
Then I paused and reflected on the merits of herding polar bears. Then I paused and reflected on the merits of eating polar bears. Then I paused and reflected on the merits of eating cows. Then I said, “I’m hungry ma’am. Do you have any slop around here?” She said “What’s that on your face?” And I said “Yo’ mama!” Then I paused, and reflected on the merits of yo’ mama jokes and realized, I was entirely out of line. Next thing I knew I was lying on my back in the cold snow. I paused and reflected on the merits of black eyes. And I realized, there are no merits. There may be a Boy Scout badge, though. Why, why had I insulted her mama? Polar bear might have actually tasted good.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 39

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. This morning when I woke up and stared the ceiling and realized I had no idea where I was, I decided it was time to go home. I hopped on the nearest plane and we took off down the runway. Too bad I didn’t check to see where the nearest plane was going to. When we arrived at our destination, I was standing in the middle of a sea of snow. I turned around, but the airplane had already taken off without me. The wind whispered to me – “Smith, I am your father!” I cried a mournful wail “NOOOOOOOOO!” I was in Alaska. Cold wind whipped around my summer shorts and Hawaiian t-shirt. I shivered. My teeth chattered together. I shivered again. My teeth were almost as loud as the wind chimes hanging from a nearby warehouse. I started towards the shelter. My feet sunk deep into the snow. Every step seemed to turn my blood cold within me. Every step, my sandals kept getting lost in the snow. When finally I reached the warehouse door, I was pleasantly surprised to find it unlocked. I wandered in out of the snow and fell instantly to sleep on the ground.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 38

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. The next day I was led upstairs by the same geeky looking boy. I sat on a couch and awaited my doom. After a lengthy interview by Miley’s father (and herself) they seemed to come to a conclusion about my sanity. They surmised, by looking at a recent psych ward record, no one would believe me if I told them she was bald. They let me loose that day. I never found out what happened to the old lady and young girl. I tried to go to the police, but they all seemed to be in love with Hannah Montana. No one would believe me, just as they said. Dejected, I turned my face towards the future and realized, I was better off forgetting the whole experience. And you should too. And that’s an order by Hannah Montana. After this incident (which we shall not mention again) I roamed the streets of Hollywood, observing people as they passed (gas that is.) People are the same here as they are in Kansas. Every third person or so seemed to be famous. At least they thought they were. They kept asking if I wanted their autograph. I said no, would you like mine? Finally I got wise and to the next person who asked me if I wanted their autograph, I said, “yes, on a check.” I made off with quite a sum of money. Thanks, Johnny Depp. I’m forever in your debt. Rather, you’re forever in my debt.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 37

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. When I awoke (I seem to do a lot of that) I was in what appeared to be a basement. Two other people were there with me. A young girl and an old lady. I asked them where I was. The girl explained through teary eyes, it was an asylum for those who found out Hannah Montana/Miley Stuarts secret. She was bald. “How long do I have to stay here?” I asked. The granny looked at me and said “when I found out, I was a still little girl.” I groaned in agony. In excruciating pain, I groaned. I was very hungry. I hollered out “JESSIE!” No one came. Then I hollered out “GEORGE! HARRY!” The old woman and the young girl looked at me and asked “what are you doing?” Then I paused, and reflected on life. And I sat, and wondered, what was I doing? At that point I suddenly saw a reason to live. I had to let the media know about Hannah/Miley’s bald head. I scanned my surroundings, searching for something, anything that could aid my escape. I was in a square room with no windows and only one visible door. A cot was in a corner with only one pillow. A poster of Hannah Montana adorned the wall to my right. The wall on the left had a picture of Miley Stuart. The two seemed to stare at me, their eyeballs twitching, moving, observing my every move. I stood up and screamed “I’ve got to get out of here!” Quick as a flash a bat swooped down from the ceiling and stole my hat. Suddenly I realized, I had no hat, and I was bald.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 36

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. I found a cheap car in Las Vegas. I drove into California that same morning, still mourning my loss of a million dollars. After spending a few hours stuck in traffic, I finally realized my car was useless here. So next time I saw a speeding motor cycle heading down the center line of the highway, next to all our idling cars, I flung open my door at the last second. I called 911, but dialed 411 by accident. So I decided just to leave the poor dude lying in the street. His bike made much better time than my car. I arrived in LA in only a few minutes. Then I paused and I reflected on life, and I sat and pondered my situation. And I realized I had done it. I had arrived in California, and I had no idea why, or what to do next. My money was spent. My time was fleeting, flying away. My neighbor’s cat was scratching to get back in. As I sat on that park bench I had a revelation. The world shifted into slow motion and I saw golden locks of blond hair with the sunlight behind her head. It was…Hannah Montana. Ah, Hannah. Montana. Nebraska. Furniture Mart. Wal-Mart. Marty McFly. Fly Paper. Newspaper. Concert Ads. Hannah Montana….Nebraska. What was I thinking about? Ah yes, Hannah Montana. There she was, gliding down the side walk like a goddess. As if in slow motion, her high heel stuck between the cracks in the pavement. Slowly she fell. I could see bruised knees and skinned elbows in her near future. I lunged forward like Flash, like Hercules. I caught her. I was in love. She was in my arms. I closed my eyes. I sniffed in the fragrance of her hair. Her wig stuck to my nose. She screamed. She was bald as a baby’s bottom! But she reached into her bag and pulled out her brown wig and suddenly Hannah Montana was no more. I blinked for a second and she was gone, in her place was an average teenage girl name Miley Stuart. She hushed me and pulled me into the back of a limo. Then I paused and I reflected on life and I realized, she was one and the same – two girls – both bald. We screeched to a halt. After I got out of the limo, a short blond haired boy with a doofy smile shoved me into a chest. It was his dad’s chest.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared

Episode 35

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. My hospital room was rather drab and dull. All my nurses were pregnant. Even the male ones. They were seahorses. My doctor told me I was hallucinating. He was pregnant too. They admitted me to a psych ward. After a few days of sitting around, asking as many questions as I could, I finally settled on my mode of escape – the garbage truck. I sealed myself in a plastic bag, put a banana peel on my head, and sat in a pile of trash. At the garbage dump, I found an old used car. It started up with no problem. But it didn’t go anywhere. So using some spit, wires, and some peanut brittle, I rigged together a makeshift go-cart. I was driving at high speeds on the dirt path. Driving towards California again. No one could stop me. No pregnant nurse. No crazed doctor. Not even the garbage man, who raised an eyebrow and said “Another one!?” Once I got onto the highway, I headed towards Utah. Upon reaching the Grand Canyon, I looked in vain for Paul Bunyan and his big Blue Ox. And his big metal axe which carved the great Grand Canyon. I rented an Indian guide by the name of Jose and he led me down the center of the canyon. We followed it into Arizona. After travelling for days without a shower, I finally checked into a hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada. I bought a nice pair of clothes and threw the dirty psycho garments away. I paid Jose with a lottery ticket I bought. I found out later that he won a million dollars.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 34

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. I was lost in the Rockies. I was stumbling along what seemed to be a path. Then I ran into a tree. Apparently it wasn’t a path. I paused and reflected on the bump on my forehead. And then I stood and wondered, should I go around the right side of the tree or the left side? Quickly I took a glance around the right side. Then on the left. My observations confirmed my suspicion – I would have to climb over the tree. It’s more fun that way. I shimmied up the tree and not a moment too soon. Snakes were snapping furiously at my heels. There I was stuck in a tree, swarms of snakes slithered around the slimy soil as I spat my saliva at the sappy sand. “Why did it have to be snakes?” I exclaimed. I started to climb higher. I spent the night in the tree. I only fell out once. Fortunately, I was not bitten by any snakes when I landed on the cold hard ground. When morning came the sun, piercing through the trees, startled the snakes, and they fled the scene. I started walking again through the woods. To deal with my boredom, I decided to turn left at every third tree. I think I started going in circles. Finally after what seemed like days, in fact it was. I stumbled across something that seemed slightly similar to a road. It was. Then something stumbled across me. It was a truck. When I awoke, I was in an ambulance and I was headed back to civilization.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 33

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. I continued on my journey toward California. I was in the mountains of Colorado. My brakes were not working and my car was stalling after every hill. Danger lurked everywhere. On a 180 degree turn, I knew there was no hope. So I opened my sunroof, and pulled my parachute string. The car fell toward depths of the rocky terrain of the Rocky Mountains. My parachute had not opened. I was turning as I fell. I was falling like a fish out of water. Like a bird in the water. My cries for help were torn from my lips by the violent air. They descended on no man’s ear. With a jolt I landed on the top of a hot air balloon. I started to slide down towards the basket. The basket swayed beneath me, being tossed back and forth like a plaything by the wind. I saw a face staring up at me. It was unshaven with a graying beard. I managed to hit the basket. I clung to the side with all my strength. Suddenly, weak frail hands grabbed my wrists and pulled me into the basket. An old man sat there, panting. I said “thank you.” He just turned his head and he died. The poor man had overexerted himself, and I was left alone in a hot air balloon in the Colorado Rockies with not a clue how to handle one of those balloons. From my perch high in the sky I saw a fireball ascending on high. It came from what was left of my car (which was not at all.) My stomach growled. I was hungry. I needed my feet to be on firm ground again. Slowly the balloon sank lower, lower. The trees started brushing past the basket. Their needles poked my cheek. I reached out and grabbed the top of a pine tree, trying to stop the balloon from moving. Instead, the balloon kept moving and I stayed there. The tall tree started to bend. I sank to the ground, and as my feet touched, I let go of the tree. I saw it fling up into the sky, and smack into the balloon, popping it instantly. As the carnage rained down, I looked around and wondered, how far was I from civilization?
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 32

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. After I had been driving for what seemed like years (but obviously wasn’t) the ground beneath my tires started going up. Soon I was driving through the mountains of Colorado. The scenery was breathtaking. The lack of oxygen was too. My car stalled after every hill. Fortunately, it was right after I made it over the top so I just coasted down. Then my brakes stopped working. I had a hard time not flying off the corner of a cliff or two. Then I paused and reflected on life. And I pondered why, why do we not have parachutes in cars? I managed to stop at the next filling station. I asked a man behind the counter, “Do you have any parachutes?” And he said “go fish.” And I paused, and I wondered, what does fishing have to do with parachutes? He just stared at me. People seem to do that a lot. I quickly pulled out my compact mirror and checked my nostril hairs. I couldn’t find the problem, so I continued our conversation. At least I would have if he hadn’t already walked away. I followed him into the back of the store. We passed shelves upon shelves of canned goods and various other items. Everything was alphabetized in large crates. Finally we arrived in the aisle that said “airplane supplies.” He pulled a cardboard box about 6 feet by 4 off of a shelve 20 feet high. I commented “you have very long arms.” He just stared at me. He pulled out a parachute and handed it to me. I said “gee thanks, does it work?” He said “no comment.”
“That’s good enough for me.” I replied. We settled on a price after I did a lot of bargaining. He wanted to give it to me for only 25 dollars, but I told him it was worth much more than that to me. So I paid him 26. After I got my car started again, with my trusty parachute strapped to my back, I continued on my adventure.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 31

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. I was at an abandoned farm house in the middle of Kansas. Or was it abandoned? The door had not opened. So I walked around to a window. I peered through the dim glass. My nose left a small smudge on it. I stepped back and kicked in the glass .My foot hurt. A lot. I heard a scream. And I ran into the house. There was an old lady, sitting next to the fireplace in a rocking chair, screaming her head off. I asked her what was wrong, but she just kept screaming. I tried to calm her down by patting her on the head. She screamed she wished she was dead. Finally I gave up and sat down. Surprisingly she stopped screaming. I asked her what was wrong, and she sobbed “I thought you were trying to rob me!” I explained how I was a traveler just looking for a place to spend the night. She said I could sleep in the barn. I apologized for the broken window. She said I could fix it in the morning. I stumbled out into the dark night. I followed a rope that was strung between the house and the barn. I laid down on what looked like a small bed. I think it was a feeding trough. In the morning, I woke to the smell of farm life. The old lady was standing around tossing chicken feed to the cows. I asked her what she was doing. She just stared at me. And I thought I was weird. She invited me in for breakfast. We had some fried chicken, boiled in elephant gizzards (whatever that is.) I nailed plywood over her broken window and gave her enough money to pay for a new one. After apologizing profusely, she told me to just leave. I got in my car, and I went far.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 30

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. I was travelling on the road in a car that can go far. In a jeep, beep beep beep. I was travelling down the interstate, in a state of boredom, in the state of Kansas. As I drove I counted cows, first on the right, then on the left. I stopped when I reached 10,000. And I paused and reflected on life, and realized, that is a lot of cows. After a while I noticed the cow’s routines were changing. Instead of just standing on four legs and chewing their cud, they were standing on two legs and spitting out mud. Then I paused, and reflected on life, and realized, these cows were actually farmers chewing tobacco. It was getting dark now. The sun was sinking behind the slimy horizon. It was slimy because of the spitting farmers. I decided I needed to stop for the night. So I started looking for a place to stay, when I spotted a barn full of hay. I asked if the chickens wanted to play. They said “no way!” So I continued to drive for a while. After a mile, I spotted a pile. Of hay bales. As I rounded the corner, I realized there was a farm house behind the bales. I drove off the parkway and parked on the driveway. I hopped out of my car and walked up to the house. After knocking on the door I awaited an answer. None was forthcoming. I shouted “Is anybody home?” And all I heard was a small “no!” I started to tremble. My knees shook and clashed. My teeth started to gnash. I reached for the door handle. Slowly I turned it. The door…didn’t open. And a ghost didn’t pop out at me. I was disappointed.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 29

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. To get to California first you must know where it is so I paused and looked at my trusty globe which I carry everywhere. After studying the globe for what seemed like hours, in fact it was hours, I discovered I don’t know how to read a globe. Instead I just followed my gut. It led me to the nearest Chick-fil- A. I walked into the restaurant and waltzed up to the counter. I got a bunch of strange looks for that. I talked to a girl behind the counter but she couldn’t tell me how to get to California. I sat and I paused and pondered my situation. Then I reflected on the merits of just picking any old direction and hitting the road. As I was pondering a manager came up to me. “You can’t sit there sir.” he said. I asked him why not, but he just stared at me. I guessed that he didn’t like that I was wearing my shoes. So I took them off. He still didn’t look happy, “Sir, please get off our front counter.” he said, with a stern expression on his face. I hopped right off the counter, then I paused and reflected on life and wondered, why is broccoli is green? Would more children eat it if it where red? Then I said, “Jason,” for that was what his name tag read “I am looking for California, can you tell me how to get there?” he just stared at me for a while, then said “Go west, old man.” I thanked him and left the building as it was. I was already in my car before I remembered that I had forgotten to remember to eat anything. Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 28

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Ah the time has come to travel again. I think I will go on a road trip. I started my trip by getting in my car and driving it out of my flower garden. It didn’t go very far. The car that is. It had no wheels, and was resting on four old cinder blocks. Then I paused and pondered, I sat and wondered, what had happened to my wheels? Then I remembered that this was an old car I had found for just a buck at a yard sale. I opened the door and hopped out of the car, trying not to crush any of my flowers. I went to my garage and got in my real car. After backing out of the garage I paused and reflected on life and I asked myself, why, why, did I not open the garage door before backing out? I started to drive down the street when I paused and reflected on life and I pondered where I was going to go on my road trip. When suddenly I knew California was the place for me. So I loaded up my truck and I moved to Beverley, hills that is. Ok so I didn’t move, but that’s how the song goes.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 27

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Yesterday I decided to go for a walk, down my stairs. It was a long journey. It took me many minutes. I kept pausing and reflecting on life. And I pondered why, why I ask you, why do I have thirteen steps in my house? I continued my walk. I went out the door. I stumbled down four more. Steps, that is. Then I paused and reflected on life and wondered why, why I ask you, do I have four more steps outside my door? I walked down the street. I looked for a seat. I yawned and sat down. On the only bench in town. As I sat there, I observed people as they passed. Gas, that is. One old lady stumbled past. She looked blind as the bat she carried over her shoulder. I stood to offer her a hand. She smashed mine with the bat. Then I spotted my girlfriend walking down the street. Good old Chelsea. I hollered out “Chelsea!” She snorted and walked the other way. She must have been having a bad day. I’ll have to send her flowers and chocolate. I’ll put them on her tombstone. She had a tombstone made for herself, when she tried to tell me she had died. I never did figure out why she told me she had died. I spent the rest of that day sitting on that bench observing people. And I paused and reflected on life and wondered why, why had I spent the whole way sitting on a park bench. Then I realized, if I was sitting, there was no weight on my feet. I wonder if I can float to the moon.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 26

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. I drank so much water I felt like I had drunk a river of liver and an ocean of fish. I drank so much fish I grew gills. But then I paused and reflected on life and realized, there were no liver or fish in the water I had consumed. I knew then and there I had to get home. And I knew that home was home, on the range. Where the deer and the antel…never mind. I pulled out my superman watch, pushed a button, and waited. Soon I saw the incredible guy himself, flying towards me. He landed and a huge shockwave of sand sprayed around me. I said: “Thanks for getting here so fast, [name removed for privacy purposes.].” He replied: “Shh!My name’s Superman."
“Will you give a guy a ride?” I asked.
He said, “Sure, hop on my back!”
Away we zoomed up into the sky. Way, way high. We landed at home, next to the dome, on a bed of foam. I pulled out my comb, and I ran it through my hair. And he asked if I’d share. I said, “Of course, big bear.” And he said “Why are you talking like this?” And I said, “Because it’s fun.” He said, "I’d like some rum.” And away he flew. I stepped of the foam, and into some doo. My adventure had ended. I sure had some fun. But you know, next time I imagine a story like this, I’ll leave it at flying with Superman, and forget the whole Egypt bit.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 25

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Egypt. There I was, in Egypt. I was by the Sphinx. It stinks; I wanted to be by the airport. I began to walk, and as I walked, I reflected on heat. The sun is very hot. I tend to think I am very hot as well, but the ladies don’t seem to think so. I walked, and I walked, through the dry, dry desert. And I wished for some dessert. I really wished for some water. There was water nowhere to be found. Nowhere to be found was water. Water to be found. No water…water…maybe…a bath…or a waterfall. A waterfall, hey! There, up on the hill I saw…a port-a-potty. I rushed towards the john. I was almost there when suddenly…it was gone. I had heard of this happening before, my friend Mirage told me about it. It’s supposed to be called a mirage. Sighing, I turned and continued through the desert. No water, and no place to go to the bathroom. And then I paused and reflected on mirages. Then, up in the distance, I saw another. (a mirage that is) It was a puddle the size of a pond. The color of glass, with a consistency of…water, or I would hope. I ran, then I shifted into maximum overdrive, and I ran faster. I was afraid the pool would disappear if I didn’t make it fast enough. I got ready to dive into the water, when a shot rang out! I stiffened, and fell into the water. I pretended to play dead hoping that whoever had fired the shot would think I was kilt. But I forgot, I didn’t know how to swim. Suddenly, a bird fell out of the sky. It croaked: “I’ve been shot!” as it fell into the water. I had not been shot, the bird had. And then I realized, I was in the water. And I drank the whole puddle dry.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappear.

Episode 24

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Last time, Mr. Smith was headed to Egypt when the plane was about to crash into the Sphinx. All the passengers left out of the rear exit. Mr. Smith was laying in the aisle trying to crawl to freedom: I had almost made it to the exit. My knees had buckled. I could not crawl with them very well. I was dragging myself along with my hands when suddenly I heard a cry. It was the pilot. He stepped on my head as he ran towards the exit. Fortunately, I was able to grab onto his ankle. He pulled me through and out the exit. I was saved. And then I looked down. Or up. I saw the ground rush to meet me. Or was I rushing to the ground? I pulled my parachute release string but didn’t have time. And then I paused and reflected on time. And realized, time was not very important, it’s what you do with your time. Thus expired Mr. Smith…Just kidding. Who would be writing this if I were dead? Well, I suppose George could, or Joe, but that's beside the point. Back to the story: I landed safely, after all, sand isn’t that hard. Okay, it hurt a lot. But I landed on top of my parachute. The pilot wasn’t so lucky. He landed on a pointy part of a pyramid. After a few painful moments, I stood up and admired the view. Egypt is a magnificent place. Now if only I had some water…I want to go home.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 23

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. The time has come. Mr. Smith must leave. He must leave his house. He must leave his country. He must go…to Egypt.
It has been demanded by a poll on a website. The critics have spoken. Mr. Smith’s fans have decided. Mr. Smith will go to Egypt.
I hopped on a plane in the middle of a plain (which had a runway on it fortunately.) I was headed to Egypt. The plane reached its cruising altitude of some really big number which I didn’t wish to think about because I am terrified of heights. Suddenly a crackly voice came over the speaker. It was the pilot. It said, “This is your pilot talking! The captain has turned on the fasten your seatbelt sign, so please, unfasten your seatbelts. We are about to encounter a giant floating Sphinx.” I looked out my window and saw to my horror the Sphinx hanging upside down from the sand. The Sand? We were upside down, I was upside down, the Sphinx was upside down, the plane was upside down! My dinner was upside down. I reached for my parachute and decided to smash out the window. But then I decided to use my head. It hurt a lot. I ran towards the emergency exit. I tripped on an old lady’s luggage strap that was sticking out in the aisle. They shouldn’t allow luggage straps on planes. I crawled towards the exit, but soon the other passengers were upon me. I was trampled as they ran towards the exit. Soon I was alone on the plane, and the Sphinx was about to get a new nose.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 22

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. The other day I was walking down the street, when I paused and realized, I often start my days by walking down the street. Sometimes I wake up, walking down the street. My friendly psychiatrist, Mr. Brown, said I probably sleepwalk. I said, I probably don’t. He didn’t say anything, so I continued talking. He still didn’t say anything, so I stopped talking. I left him after that. What good is a person who doesn’t talk? Back to where I was walking – I was walking down the street. The street was where I was walking. Yes, the street. And then I reached the corner of the street, and the garden gate. As I reached the garden gate, I spotted a cute little puppy, squatting over a bush. And I paused and reflected on life, and puppies, and bushes. I bent down and kissed the little puppy right on his dear little nose. Suddenly - to my great horror – I realized I had fulfilled the old adage. “Never kiss by the garden gate/Love is blind/But the neighbors ain’t.” I stood up, quick as a flash, kicked the dog into the bush and whistled down the street. I glanced from window to window, expecting to see a face. And there, there was a face. It didn’t belong to Mace. It definitely wasn’t Chase. (Daniels, that is.) Then I remembered something. Most of my neighbors were blind. In mind and soul. Plus they couldn’t see out of their eyes. Then I paused, and corrected my grammar and said “they don’t got good eyes.” Then I paused and reflected on life. And I lamented the poor dog I had kicked. I went back to that bush, but I couldn’t find the dog, only a lump of yellow smog.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 21

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. I work at Subway. At least I used to. The boss got a little bit angry. I tried to make a foot long, but it was a foot short instead, which means there was nothing there. It wasn’t my fault the boss ordered a foot long at that particular time of the day. At least he still got chips and a coke. Then I paused and reflected on life. And chips; buffalo chips. And who would eat buffalo chips? Maybe buffalos. And then I paused and reflected on buffalos. They sure are hairy things. Just like Aragorn’s kilt. Unfortunately, my boss fired me. I was standing a little too close to the stove, apparently. My shirttail caught on fire. When I realized it was a light, I ran out the door and grabbed for a bud light. Pouring it all over my seat, I sat down to eat. When I burst into flames, a whole bunch of dames stopped and stared. One of them grabbed a fire extinguisher and said “here!” and I said, “Where?” Needless to say, they really fired me then. Alas, I have no job. My mother would not be proud of me. And then I paused, and reflected on life. And decided, I didn’t really need a job. And I began to sob.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 20

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. I decided I was hungry. That meant I needed to get something to eat. I was hungry for some nuggets and a large sweet tea. So I went to Chick-fil-a. And then I pondered on sewing machines, and why they make that horrible noise. Why can’t they just be quiet? It reminds me of my dear mother. It makes me miss her so. Chick-fil-a and sewing machines go so hand in hand together. She would sew my clothes with a mouth full of crunchy waffle fries. Tiny pieces of breaded nuggets would fall on my clothes. I wondered why they always smelled like Chick-fil-a. But hey…I got all day. It’s time to play. Oh by the way, I love Chick-fil-a. Oh, and you too mom. Have you ever played guitar hero? The best song there is is “Chick-fil-a” by Tim Hawkins. (Look it up on YouTube.) It’s too bad I work at Subway.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 19

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. I was lying in peril, awaiting my doom – on the slopes of Mount Doom. Orcs all around me, trying to slay me. Aragorn on one side, Mace Windu on t’other. Up above a blue heron was flying to my rescue. On a cart with six wheels came Mario and Luigi – two Italian boys – and they smashed orcs left and right with their brand new Lego toys. But then I realized I was not helpless. I had my “orcs-away spray”. I pulled it out and started spraying. Like a skunk, it stunk, with an awful funk. And then came Michael Jordan, and he made a slam dunk. As I sprayed my spray on the head of an orc, it spun around and popped like a cork. I felt like a dork. The orcs were falling, they all started bawling. Suddenly I felt pity – pity, stayed my hand. And I yelled to my allies – stop! Stop! But it was too late – the orcs were all kilt around Aragorn’s waist. * The orcs were all dead. I sat on my head. I mourned their defeat. I don’t know why they were trying to kill me. I don’t know why I mourned them, that is. But then, with all those blood-thirsty men, strange cartoon characters and various birds, something was bound to happen. They would all turn on themselves, I knew it. Then in a heavenly chorus descended Chuck Norris. Then the Enterprise came out of the sky and squashed him flat. I was so happy; I hit his flat body with a bat. Then Aragorn charged at Mace Windu. And the blue heron dropped bombs on Mario and Luigi. Luigi whipped up a batch of spaghetti and launched meatballs into the sky. Again I yelled “Stop!” Again they did not listen. So I decided to employ my super power of the imagination shut-off button. And in a flash they all disappeared, leaving nothing but Gandalf’s beard.

Thus ends this week’s reflections. Then my mirror image disappeared.

*This means the orcs were all “killed” and then their skins were turned into an Scottish kilt, and Aragorn was wearing it.

Episode 18

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Yesterday I was walking down a mountain side. But this was not just any old mountain side. This was Mount Doom. I said MOUNT DOOM. But, I didn’t not know what mountain it was, until after this small story has ended. Anyway, I was walking down the mountain and I saw two short people with furry feet and big bushy heads. Thinking it was my two best friends, Matthew and Josh, I called out “George and Harry!” They didn’t turn around. So I called out “Matthew and Josh!” In a rare moment of insight, I called out “Frodo and Sam!” The fat one turned around and said “look, Mr. Frodo! It’s a weirdo running down the mountain side with lava behind him!” At that I turned around and nearly died from fright. In fact I nearly died from lava. I hastened down the mountain side at a tremendous clip. In front of me, Frodo and Sam collapsed on a rock jutting out. I tried to reach them but I was swept away by a pool of lava. By a river of lava. Lucky I was wearing my duck-tape suit, which lava cannot penetrate. The last thing I saw before my head struck a rock was an eagle soaring out of the sky and picking up Frodo and Sam. Something unusual in movies, it faded to white. Sometime later, I woke with a fright. It was very warm. It was out of the norm. I felt reborn. And I saw Aragorn. He walked towards me, battling Orcs left and right. They fell off his sword, cut clean in two. Mountains of orcs piled up all over the place. Then suddenly, I saw Mace. Windu, that is. He was coming from the other direction. His light saber glaring and a siren was blaring. And then, up above, I saw a blue heron. “Look out below!” Was the cry from the sky. White pellets came raining, smashing orcs on high. (It rhymes with sky.) Who would reach me first? Who would save me? Find out next time on…
The life and times of Mr. Smith.

Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 17

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Today is Halloween. That strange holiday, celebrating strange costumes and greedy little children. The one time of year – not counting Christmas – where you can be very, very greedy. I have not decided what costume I should wear yet…any suggestions? I think I will go as the all duck-tape man, maybe wrap myself up like a mummy with duck-tape. But last time I did that I got an awful rash and I lost all my hair. A couple years ago one of my friends suggested I dress up as a globe, he said that I wouldn’t even need to use any padding. I’m not sure I like that idea. As I wandered through the streets looking at all the other children’s costumes, trying to decide what I liked, night had already fallen, and people were handing out candy to greedy little fat children. I felt compelled to write a poem. And here is my poem:

I rounded a corner and lo and behold,
I saw Old Saint Nick, trembling and old.
He stared and he glared and he grumbled at me.
He stared so long I charged him a fee.
He stopped in his tracks.
He started to scream.
The world around me shifted,
As if in a dream.
And poor old Saint Nick, he turned and he fell.
And he didn’t stop falling till he landed in hell.
The moral to this story?
Look both ways before crossing the street.
I’m not sure why, but it sounds kind of neat.

Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 16

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Today I decided to fly to China. So I strapped on my wings and stuck out my tail and took off from the roof of my house. I landed shortly thereafter, and I paused and reflected on the sidewalk, right before it came up and smacked me in the face. And everything went black. When I awoke, I felt as if I were in heaven. For leaning over me, was that face…that one true love of mine…the blond native had returned. She was beautiful. I was speechless. She was a little wrinkled. I didn’t care. I had found her at last. The music rises. I was lying on a hospital bed, in the middle of the city. And somehow she had come from Fiji, all the way to see me, or so I had assumed. But then I paused and reflected on this, and realized, she didn’t seem to recognize me. Perhaps it was because I was covered in bandages. We will assume that was the reason. Apparently I had been revived by true love’s kiss. Or so I assumed. That would be the only way I was not dead right now. For I realized, I could not fly.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 15

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Today I went for a walk on top of my fence. I didn’t fall off once. I fell off twice. My dear mother would be proud of me (God rest her soul.) One of those times I fell off my neighbor’s pool. Which is rather disgusting since it hasn’t been cleaned since he died. And his cat takes frequent swims in it. And of course I do too, at midnight. I love seeing the moon reflect off the water right before I jump in. And it made me pause and reflect on life…on the moon. And I then imagined what kind of strange little green aliens live on the moon and why I am not one of them. For I am defiantly not humankind, and am not mankind, and am not monkeykind…but I am not alienkind either. What am I? I am a reflection. A reflection of stupidity, for I am swimming in this slime, this gunk. I quickly got out of the pool and got in the sand box, and played sand monster for the rest of the day. I had lots of fun.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 14

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. I detaste water. In fact, I never did taste it. I live on coffee. Without coffee, I would be a slow, shallow reflection of a person who does not pause to reflect on anything. My house is full of coffee makers. I normally drink 51 cups a day. On an abnormal day I drink 68. If it were not for coffee, I would tend to be shallow, and I would tend to repeat myself. Did I mention that this is a reflection from the life and times of Mr. Smith? I would tend to be more random in my speech. Like I might be talking along about bootstraps, and how I like eating coleslaw with my hair ribbons on a hot winter day. But anyway, back to the coffee. Without coffee, I would be lost. Like a moth in a snowstorm. Like a centipede in a desert wind. Like a pin in a straw stack. Or even like a crouton on a salad. Like when my old neighbor Mr. Jones used to come over and say “you drink too much coffee, bub.” I would normally say something funny to the effect of “your house is ugly. So is your swimming pool.” He never thought it was funny, but it would always make me split my sides with laughter. Either that or I was bursting from too much coffee.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 13

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Today I went back to Starbucks. The only problem about drinking coffee in space, is that I imagine you might be burned rather easily. I paused and I reflected on this. And I went out and bought a burn-proof jump-suit. And a flame-thrower to go along with that, just because I’ve always wanted one. Suddenly I was inspired…no, never mind. So as I drove my rocket powered car to Starbucks, I barely was able to stop in time. I should have installed better breaks. But with the lab being temporarily…or, permanently out of commission, I don’t think that’s going to be an option. When I walked into Starbucks, I was sorely disappointed. No one there was floating around; no one was even in space. I decided to put that Starbucks in space. I grabbed a few plastic spoons, and I headed outside. There I commenced to dig. Once I had gone about a mile down below Starbucks (this only took about an hour being as I am very fast with plastic spoons) I quickly drove my rocket car down there, disassembled the engine, and connected it to the base of the building. I rigged up a remote control starter and quickly got out of there. As I was getting ready to press that little red button, I paused, and reflected. And realized, this might not be a very good idea. So I decided to call up the Starbucks and told them all to strap in. Up with the engine, up went the Starbucks, and out into space. I forgot to give it a way to come back. Oh well.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 12

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. This morning I decided to go to Starbucks. I heard it was an awesome place. I would assume Starbucks would have something to do with space. I would assume they would sell spacesuits and things of that sort. I paused, and I felt compelled to reflect on life, and realized, Starbucks is also called Starbucks coffee. And it might be rather fun to consume coffee in space. I jumped on my unicycle and rode down town. Upon pulling it up to Starbucks, I noticed there weren’t many spaceships around. I was rather disappointed. And I paused and reflected on life and the merits of having rocket propelled engines instead of gasoline. I decided to delay my Starbucks visit for the day, and went over to the lab to produce a car with a rocket engine. The boys at the lab – God rest their souls – were excited to see me again. Last time I was there I created a machine that gave you an instant haircut. (That was after my little hippie sprint.) The good news is, I succeeded in making my rocket propelled car. The bad news is it took two tries. Well…craters are kind of attractive. I think everyone should be making them. They go well with other things that can be seen in space like the Grand Canyon and the Great Wall of China. Good thing the lab is so far from my house.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 11

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Emotions…are so emotional. Why do we have emotions? I pause, and I wonder. Then I reflected. And I reflected some more. Then I felt compelled to become a hippie, and spread the loooooooove. So I grew my hair really long. This took only a few days, because I used hair tonic. That stuff works miracles. Then I bought some groovy clothes. And I went outside, ready to spread the love. But, mysteriously, everyone had disappeared for the day. If I didn’t know better, I’d say they were hiding. Good thing I know better. They were all going to throw me a surprise birthday party. Everyone in town. I hope they know what I like. A big cake and lots of presents. I hope I get a motor scooter. On the day of my birthday, I walked in my house, expecting to be surprised. Fortunately, I wasn’t disappointed. My neighbor’s cat was dead, in my house. Fortunately that was not the only surprise that day. They did throw me a birthday party. Threw it in my window. Poor cake got glass in it. Maybe they don’t like me so much. Naw…I’m such a nice guy. I just love to spread the love.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 10

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. The city is not for me. I visited it too many times. I long for the country. I long for freedom. So I went to the country. I went to freedom. I discovered the only thing about life on a farm that is free is my labor. Those nincompoops actually expect me to work for free and expect me to enjoy it. Life on the farm is not for me either. I must try life on the moon sometime. In fact, sitting is what I do best. After I got back to my home in the suburbs, I decided to paint my fence to match my house. Except, I would make white with orange polka dots. My neighbors got up in arms. I felt compelled to tear down my fence and move it back a foot. Suddenly I realized, my yard was smaller. Who would have thought it. I obviously wouldn’t of, or I wouldn’t have done it. My neighbors obviously did, for they made me do it. I decided…my roof was rather colorless. In fact…what is the purpose for a roof? I sat and pondered this for quite some time…reflecting on the reflections…the vibrations…as trucks passed me on the freeway. And I realized, the freeway is not a good place to sit and reflect. One could easily be killed. No wonder my neighbors suggested it. It makes me miss Mr. Jones. He was a good neighbor.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 9

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. I watched the Lord of the Rings last night: back to back to back. No I think you misunderstand me…I watched the trilogy back to back to back. That’s nine movies. My brain feels quite warped. I feel much better. After the recent loss of my dear mother, watching movies is the only meaning in life. Then I paused, and reflected. How Gollum could survive being so skinny. He must be more like a stupid fat hobbit. As I was thinking these thoughts, I suddenly looked down and saw my feet again. The music swells in joyful harmony. And as the music swelled, so did the smell. And I decided I must wash my feet. But then I was pondering on the merits of cleaning one’s feet. After all, they will only get dirty again. I decided it was about time I went down town again. Ah the city. The hustle and bustle of the city. No, that is cliché. The bustle and the hustle. And then the bustle and the hustle of the quarterback, as the quarterback hustles toward the end zone. I believe I have gotten off the topic. Back to the city. I must get back…to the future. The past is such a drag. So is the present. When is my birthday?
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 8

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Today I went to the super market. They had an aisle for fruits, an aisle for vegetables, an aisle for meats, and an aisle for DVDs. I would have to say the latter is my favorite. I bought an interesting movie today. It was called Mr. Smith. It was actually quite dull. As I was sitting at my dinner table, wondering where the food would come from, I recalled a special person. Not unlike that native on the beach. This special person’s name was Mrs. Smith…God rest her soul. I remember when she used to have a meal for me when I came home. She would do my laundry, generally pick up around the house. How I miss her. I loved you Mum. My mother was very good at putting the food on the table for me. She worked very hard every day…driving to Chick-Fil-A to buy some food. I ought to go to Chick-Fil-A. Nuggets eaten. Waffle potato fries thrown on the floor. Ah, the days when I was young. I remember them like yesterday. In fact, it was yesterday. I must get ready for the funeral now. I hope I remember where it is.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 7

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith: A reflection on life. Life. Okay, let’s move on to something else. I am feeling very philos…philosifi…philosofu…philosophical! Yes! I decided to go for a walk. But it was more like a ride. I was testing my new roller skates. They don’t work very well if a wheel falls off. Fact. The skin from my knees is on the sidewalk still. I must get some makeup to cover it up. I decided to go ask one of my friends for some makeup. This time I asked one of my male friends. He said to wear long pants. I said, the sidewalk can’t wear long pants. He’s not my friend anymore. I pondered this all afternoon. All evening. All night. All the net morning. All the next afternoon. All of the next night. I decided, it wasn’t worth all the pondering. I pondered pondering. Pondering itself is rather strange. But then I thought to myself, where would the world be without bellybuttons? But then I was compelled to realize, I am an idiot.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 6

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. There I was in Fiji, looking for that girl, I met on the beach, so many years ago. I must have only been about five years old. I waddled out across the sand, and I saw the ocean for the first time. And I saw her. The ocean paled in comparison. Her beauty was beyond description. It was so indescribable, I couldn’t describe it. By the way…what does indescribable mean? I pondered this, as I sat on the beach. Staring at the ocean. In Fiji. So far from home. Home…the thought of home made me pause and reflect. If home is where the heart is, my home is on the beach. Here in Fiji, with that girl. Alas, I fear she is no more. For I have looked upon this beach for too long. I have searched in vain. I must again make my home, away from my heart. (The music swells. I suddenly feel like an old romantic.) I hop on a plane and head home. The plane ride was long. Very long. Very, very long. So long I fell asleep. And then it felt very short. How strange.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 5

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. I was looking through my photo album today. I saw a picture I had not seen in years. It was tucked away behind another. It was of a girl I had once known. At least I assumed I knew her. If I didn’t, I wish I did. I recalled something as if it were a dream. I remembered a girl standing on a beach. She was a native…with blond hair. Maybe she wasn’t a native. There is only one way to find out. I must travel back to Fiji. Because its as far away as you can get before you start turning back. The plane ride was long. Very long. Very, very long. So long I fell asleep. And then it felt very short. How strange. Then I reflected on life. Sleep…sleep is good for you. I wondered why I had not seen it before. Without sleep I would be awake. We landed in Fiji. If you could call it landing. More like we crashed. I was searching for my luggage amongst the wreckage. When I realized, I hadn’t brought any luggage. It made me pause and reflect on how luggage is good for you. Without luggage you are but a bum. I guess I am a bum. I walked down the beach, searching for that native. But then something occurred to me. It had been thirty years. Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 4

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Star date 5267. Captain’s log, Captain Smith recording. Today I was watching my favorite series on TV, Star Trek. Suddenly I felt compelled to be beamed up. I whipped out my communicator (my wallet) and spoke to it: Beam me up, Scotty. A strange thing happened. Nothing. Except for, all my money fell out. My dog chewed up my money. I decided to go see how my neighbor’s cat was doing. And suddenly I realized, I’d forgotten to let it back in. I, Mr. Smith, felt compelled to see the world. To travel to strange places, and seek out new life and new civilizations. To boldly go where no bum has gone before. Then suddenly I realized, there are bums everywhere. I decided to just stick with going places where I have never gone before. Ah, life. Doesn’t it make you reflect? Life is so simple.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 3

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Earlier this morning, I went to a ball game. Ping pong. Never did like the sport. Too hard to watch. I got very mad when one of the ping pong balls hit my forehead. I felt compelled to get makeup to hide the awful scar. I didn’t know ping pong balls had razor blades in them. Did I mention my worst enemy was playing the game? As I went down town, I began to wonder, where does one buy makeup? I felt compelled to ask one of my friends…one of my female friends. She slammed the door in my face. I don’t know why. I told her she looked very beautiful when she had on her makeup. So I continued downtown. Passed by the police station. I felt it was wise not to linger there. (Refer to last entry.) The hardware store sounded like a good place to look. It wasn’t. Next I tried the ice cream parlor. Their ice cream was quite good. I felt compelled to have a second serving. Then a third. Then before I knew it, it was closing time. I looked down, and wondered, where did my feet go without me? And where did I get this bubba. I headed home, my forehead with an awful scar. My belly was rather large, but I felt very good. I slept well that night.
Thus ends the week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 2

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Today, randomness at its fullest. I was sitting down at my TV and I realized, there is nothing on TV. The music builds. I felt compelled to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. After I made the said sandwich, I commenced to eating it. I realized, peanut butter and jelly don’t taste very well together. So I added jalapeno peppers. Then I realized I don’t like jalapeno peppers. I felt compelled to spit it out. And so I did. I decided to go visit my neighbor, Mr. Jones. I hopped over his fence and went up to his patio, then took a bullet right through my hat, because he thought I was a burglar. I can assure you, I quickly set him straight. The police showed up later that afternoon. They asked a lot of questions. I didn’t give them any answers. They took me down town. I didn’t want to go. And then I realized what I had done was wrong. I felt I should make restitution. I felt compelled to break out of my cell. I did so with ease. After all, I am Mr. Smith. I went over to Mr. Jones house and made restitution. I let his cat out.
Thus ends this weeks’ reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 1

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Yesterday I was walking down the street when I saw a dog. It made me pause and reflect on life. And the music was building in my ears and I felt compelled to sit and write a symphony. Someday I feel I will known for this. Today I was walking down the other side of the street and I realized my house was very beautiful. It made me pause and reflect on life. Suddenly I had an impulse and I was compelled to go and hire a painter to paint my house orange. The painters have finished now. The next day, all my neighbors came out and complained about my orange house. They decided it was not in good taste and I should do something about it. So I went and got a can of white paint and gave it spots. Later I walked down the center of the street. I realized there actually is a lot of space between the cars and that little yellow line, fortunately. My toes are quite flat. Today I took a bus down town. It was quite fun seeing the sights. But then I noticed, there weren’t many sights to see.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.