Episode 59

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. My house was gone. The president had sent me to Antarctica because he wanted to surprise me with an early Christmas present. It was so thoughtful of him. He’d bought me and Olympic sized pool. But he had to move my house to make room for it. He’s such a nice guy, the president. So of course, when he asked if he could use it, I told him he could. They had airlifted my house to Mexico. It was for my next mission. Observe how the poor people live. It’s amazing how many poor people you can fit in my big house. There wasn’t even enough room for me anymore. Did I mention how the president is such a nice guy? And I like the president, but I didn’t feel Mexico was for me. So I called my buddy superman, and he airlifted my house straight back to Kansas. Of course, I still wanted to be able to use the pool, so I asked him to plop it down on Mr. Jones’s old house. Have I mentioned how superman is a real swell guy too? Then I paused and reflected on life and realized, if I left out all the anti-freeze, I would have had one awesome ice rink during the winter.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 57

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. So there I was in Antarctica…still. Still. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever make it home. My new goal – get home, and get home in one piece. Not necessarily in that order. So obviously I decided to get to the URSTUPID (The United Railroad Station Transport Under Pacific Inter Dimensional), as fast as I could. Then I paused and reflected on life and realized, I would miss the cold. NOT. When I arrived back in Kansas, I was pleasantly surprised by the snow falling. DO NOT WANT!!! As I stumbled blindly through the snow, I was horrified to not be able to find my house. I wandered between my neighbor’s houses where it should have been, but I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t feel it. Then I fell. Alas, I fell. I fell through a thin layer of ice atop a swimming pool. An Olympic sized swimming pool. Then I screamed out “I NEED A HERO!” Then from the depths I saw a monster. We collided into a comatose, and then I found myself awake and alive…and swimming. There I was forsaken. My hero had not arrived. Sometimes I believe you should’ve when you could’ve. But then, it’s not me, it’s you. When superman arrived he was one day too late. When he tried to give me mouth to mouth resuscitation, I screamed, “Don’t wake me!” But then he screamed “Never surrender!” When the whole episode was over I said, “You are forgiven, Lucy.” And he just looked at me like I was an idiot. But then, if the boot fits…
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 26

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. I drank so much water I felt like I had drunk a river of liver and an ocean of fish. I drank so much fish I grew gills. But then I paused and reflected on life and realized, there were no liver or fish in the water I had consumed. I knew then and there I had to get home. And I knew that home was home, on the range. Where the deer and the antel…never mind. I pulled out my superman watch, pushed a button, and waited. Soon I saw the incredible guy himself, flying towards me. He landed and a huge shockwave of sand sprayed around me. I said: “Thanks for getting here so fast, [name removed for privacy purposes.].” He replied: “Shh!My name’s Superman."
“Will you give a guy a ride?” I asked.
He said, “Sure, hop on my back!”
Away we zoomed up into the sky. Way, way high. We landed at home, next to the dome, on a bed of foam. I pulled out my comb, and I ran it through my hair. And he asked if I’d share. I said, “Of course, big bear.” And he said “Why are you talking like this?” And I said, “Because it’s fun.” He said, "I’d like some rum.” And away he flew. I stepped of the foam, and into some doo. My adventure had ended. I sure had some fun. But you know, next time I imagine a story like this, I’ll leave it at flying with Superman, and forget the whole Egypt bit.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.