Episode 70

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith.
I wanted to bake a cake. I am a rather good baker you know. I just needed to borrow a cup of sugar from one of my neighbors. Mr. Jones, of course, was already dead and I didn’t know the people who had moved into his house since. Little Timmy of course, wouldn’t have any, and if he did, it would be imaginary. Mr. McKnight on my other side would be the best guess. I waltzed over to his house. I strolled up to his front door. And bashed it in. I couldn’t understand why he yelled at me to get out. I didn’t even get any sugar. But that’s ok. I would substitute baking soda instead. My cake would turn out ok. I didn’t have any flour, but I had another white substance lying around the house I used instead. I am not at liberty to discuss what it was. I was also out of eggs, so I used another excellent thickener...goats milk. And I also added many other secret ingredients which I cannot discuss. When my cake was done, I realized I had stumbled across some dynamite. I decided to try it out. No, I didn’t do it in my house, I’m not that dumb. I did it in Mr. McKnight’s house. I then I paused and reflected on life, and the Bible verse “love thy neighbor as thyself. And I realized, I can be a cruel person. I felt sorrow for my sins. I repented, and was baptized. That was when Mr. McKnight threw me in the pool.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 59

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. My house was gone. The president had sent me to Antarctica because he wanted to surprise me with an early Christmas present. It was so thoughtful of him. He’d bought me and Olympic sized pool. But he had to move my house to make room for it. He’s such a nice guy, the president. So of course, when he asked if he could use it, I told him he could. They had airlifted my house to Mexico. It was for my next mission. Observe how the poor people live. It’s amazing how many poor people you can fit in my big house. There wasn’t even enough room for me anymore. Did I mention how the president is such a nice guy? And I like the president, but I didn’t feel Mexico was for me. So I called my buddy superman, and he airlifted my house straight back to Kansas. Of course, I still wanted to be able to use the pool, so I asked him to plop it down on Mr. Jones’s old house. Have I mentioned how superman is a real swell guy too? Then I paused and reflected on life and realized, if I left out all the anti-freeze, I would have had one awesome ice rink during the winter.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 14

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. I detaste water. In fact, I never did taste it. I live on coffee. Without coffee, I would be a slow, shallow reflection of a person who does not pause to reflect on anything. My house is full of coffee makers. I normally drink 51 cups a day. On an abnormal day I drink 68. If it were not for coffee, I would tend to be shallow, and I would tend to repeat myself. Did I mention that this is a reflection from the life and times of Mr. Smith? I would tend to be more random in my speech. Like I might be talking along about bootstraps, and how I like eating coleslaw with my hair ribbons on a hot winter day. But anyway, back to the coffee. Without coffee, I would be lost. Like a moth in a snowstorm. Like a centipede in a desert wind. Like a pin in a straw stack. Or even like a crouton on a salad. Like when my old neighbor Mr. Jones used to come over and say “you drink too much coffee, bub.” I would normally say something funny to the effect of “your house is ugly. So is your swimming pool.” He never thought it was funny, but it would always make me split my sides with laughter. Either that or I was bursting from too much coffee.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 10

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. The city is not for me. I visited it too many times. I long for the country. I long for freedom. So I went to the country. I went to freedom. I discovered the only thing about life on a farm that is free is my labor. Those nincompoops actually expect me to work for free and expect me to enjoy it. Life on the farm is not for me either. I must try life on the moon sometime. In fact, sitting is what I do best. After I got back to my home in the suburbs, I decided to paint my fence to match my house. Except, I would make white with orange polka dots. My neighbors got up in arms. I felt compelled to tear down my fence and move it back a foot. Suddenly I realized, my yard was smaller. Who would have thought it. I obviously wouldn’t of, or I wouldn’t have done it. My neighbors obviously did, for they made me do it. I decided…my roof was rather colorless. In fact…what is the purpose for a roof? I sat and pondered this for quite some time…reflecting on the reflections…the vibrations…as trucks passed me on the freeway. And I realized, the freeway is not a good place to sit and reflect. One could easily be killed. No wonder my neighbors suggested it. It makes me miss Mr. Jones. He was a good neighbor.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 2

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Today, randomness at its fullest. I was sitting down at my TV and I realized, there is nothing on TV. The music builds. I felt compelled to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. After I made the said sandwich, I commenced to eating it. I realized, peanut butter and jelly don’t taste very well together. So I added jalapeno peppers. Then I realized I don’t like jalapeno peppers. I felt compelled to spit it out. And so I did. I decided to go visit my neighbor, Mr. Jones. I hopped over his fence and went up to his patio, then took a bullet right through my hat, because he thought I was a burglar. I can assure you, I quickly set him straight. The police showed up later that afternoon. They asked a lot of questions. I didn’t give them any answers. They took me down town. I didn’t want to go. And then I realized what I had done was wrong. I felt I should make restitution. I felt compelled to break out of my cell. I did so with ease. After all, I am Mr. Smith. I went over to Mr. Jones house and made restitution. I let his cat out.
Thus ends this weeks’ reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.