Episode 60

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Christmastime is here. I woke this morning to the sound of bells. Christmas bells. Sleigh bells. I realized they were coming from somewhere up on the roof. I flopped out of bed and rolled to the window. It was ajar. I twisted the lid on the jar. Lets see how does that go, righty-tighty lefty-loosey? I stuck my head out the window. I stuck my torso out the window. Turning, I stretched my gaze towards the roof. Suddenly, a blob of snow slid down the roof and hit me in the face. And I paused and reflected on life and realized, snow is very cold. I lost my grip…on reality. And I drifted, I drifted for what seemed like years. I was spiraling, I was twisting. I was doing “the dance”. In this alternate dimension, the snow spiraled around me in colorful twists that looked like a mixture of black and white photographs and billions of nerds floating not down, but up. This vortex of color…(and lack of color)…spun me up and suddenly I wasn’t falling, I was floating. For a second I blacked out. And when I awoke two seconds later, I was laying on an ocean of floating cotton balls with crushed lilac petals. I touched my hair, ran my fingers through the silky streams, and I realized this was definitely a dream. Because I had hair. I let go and embraced the dream. Suddenly above me I saw a bright red blob quickly falling towards me. Suddenly terror built in me when I realized the blob was a very large fat Santa Claus and he was about to land on me. I made an awesome ninja move, springing on my hands, landing a ways back on my face. There was a splat as Santa landed. I thought he landed, but instead he pushed through the ocean of cotton balls and disappeared into the clouds beneath him. Suddenly I realized I had failed. I was destined to save Christmas. The Smith who saved Christmas. With a lunge I flung myself through the hole that Santa had left in the cotton balls. Now I was falling. But I had to reach Santa before it was too late. Terror again grasped at my heart. As I saw Santa about to be impaled on the rows of houses below, I realized I had failed. At that moment I woke up, and for a second, I had not failed. I had not, not saved Christmas. But only for a moment, because then I hit the floor. As I lay there, snowflakes drifted through the window and landed softly on my face.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 17

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Today is Halloween. That strange holiday, celebrating strange costumes and greedy little children. The one time of year – not counting Christmas – where you can be very, very greedy. I have not decided what costume I should wear yet…any suggestions? I think I will go as the all duck-tape man, maybe wrap myself up like a mummy with duck-tape. But last time I did that I got an awful rash and I lost all my hair. A couple years ago one of my friends suggested I dress up as a globe, he said that I wouldn’t even need to use any padding. I’m not sure I like that idea. As I wandered through the streets looking at all the other children’s costumes, trying to decide what I liked, night had already fallen, and people were handing out candy to greedy little fat children. I felt compelled to write a poem. And here is my poem:

I rounded a corner and lo and behold,
I saw Old Saint Nick, trembling and old.
He stared and he glared and he grumbled at me.
He stared so long I charged him a fee.
He stopped in his tracks.
He started to scream.
The world around me shifted,
As if in a dream.
And poor old Saint Nick, he turned and he fell.
And he didn’t stop falling till he landed in hell.
The moral to this story?
Look both ways before crossing the street.
I’m not sure why, but it sounds kind of neat.

Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.