Episode 72

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. This morning, I decided it was time for another trip. It was time to go to the beach. Then I paused and reflected on life and I pondered beaches. And which beach I should go to. There’s the beach...on the west coast. The beach...on the east coast. The beach...on the south coast (excluding Mexico of course). And the beach on the great lakes. The beach...in Africa. The beach...in England. The beach...on the Red Sea. The beach....on the Dead Sea. The beach...on the Sea Sea. Oh! CiCi’s pizza...on the beach. With MLT on rye, when the mutton’s nice and lean. (That’s mutton lettuce and tomato by the way.) The beach in Hawaii. The beach in Fiji! Yes, Fiji. That would be my destination. It has been a long time since I’ve seen her. Yes, I am referring to...the blond native. I hopped on a plane. An airplane. I even remembered to buy a ticket. My flight was rather uneventful. Made out with a couple stewardesses...stole a couple blankets...threw up my shrimp all over the lavatory. Dumb airplane food. But like I said, rather uneventful. I was slightly befuddled and bewildered to see Hurley on the plane. And Kate. And Jack. And Sayid. Some dude with his face all bloodied and bashed in, and his arm in a sling. And also Sun. The whole Lost cast was on board. Fear gripped my heart. My hand gripped my chest. Then, it happened. We crashed. Now I had been in many other plane crashes before. But this one was different. All the Losties vanished in a flash of light. Then, we crashed. We just kept crashing, as if we were stuck in a time warp. They were there one second. They were gone. We crashed. They were there again. They vanished. We crashed. They re-appeared. Poof, they were gone. We crashed. Disgusted I stood up, walked to the end of the room, pulled out the DVD, and blew the hair off of it.
    Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 71

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. I had done it. I finally did it. I was victorious. I conquered the mysterious space-time continuum. I created a machine that displaced the temporal disturbances. For you unscientific people, I created time travel. What does one do when they first build a time machine? I of course went back in time and gave myself the plans to the machine. That way I could create it in half the time. Then, instead of taking two years, it only took one, and i had the whole other year to stalk....I mean, date...Charlene. Next place I went was my wedding day. I was slightly surprised to see Kate there instead of Charlene. Blasphemy! Fortunately, my future is not set in stone. Most of my friends were there. Well I mean, two out of three came. That’s not bad considering. Four if you count pastor Bill. He’s sort of a friend. As long as I keep paying my tithe. Yesterday he started a fifty part sermon series on the giving of tithes and offerings. Did you know bananas taste funny when you mix them with chopped anchovies? Who’d have thunk it? Another curious thing about my time traveling machine, which I discovered, was that wherever I travel to, a copy of me was left there. I mean, can you imagine a wedding with two grooms? AWKWARD. I went back in time to the Civil War, many times over, and created an army. The south nearly won the war! If only I hadn’t stopped to pause and reflect on life in the middle of the battle field...all twenty thousand of me. I’ll never go back to Gettysburg again.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 67

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. This reflection is from my reflection on the Lost island. I awoke to the sound of raining coconuts...and mangoes...and papayas...and dogs? Or actually it was just one dog. It was a yellow lab. This made me pauses and reflect the merits of traveling with animals...and traveling with children. Seeing as the two are very similar. Suddenly I was astonished to see the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen. The long locks of curly hair...and then he turned around. I’m only interested in large women....not large men. The person walked up to me and was like “Dude...dude.” So I was like, “Dude.” And he was like, “Ok, dude.” And then I paused and reflected on life and tried to understand what had just transpired between us. He motioned and was like, “Dude.” And I was like, “Cool.” Together we walked towards their encampment on the beach. My new friend was a man of few words. Until he stepped on a sea urchin. I learned many words that day I had never heard before. They were Korean. The survivors of the plan crash took me in like a son...or an elderly grandfather. I lived with them happily for many days. Till they discovered I was not on their flight manifest. Me and some other dude named Ethan. He didn’t last long. Neither did I...but long enough to make out with Kate ;) Thus ends this Lost reflection.
Thus ends this week’s reflection. And then my mirror image disappeared.