Episode 74

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Lazy Sunday afternoon. Psh, I’m lazy all the time. And today was no exception. I started off my day by making a commitment. A commitment I would not leave my bed. Of course, this went over rather well while I was sleeping. For when one is asleep, one does not think of leaving one’s bed. And when two is awake, two does think of leaving two’s bed. The first flaw in my plan, I figured out, was normally, I get up out of bed. This cannot be accomplished without leaving the bed. The second thing I found out, my pantry is downstairs. Therefore breakfast could not be accomplished without leaving the bed. Then I paused and reflected on room service, and I thought, if only I were in a hotel, food could be delivered. Delivered…yes…pizza places deliver. My phone was within reach of my bed. So I picked up and dialed the local pizza shop. After placing my order for a large pizza with everything on it (even anchovies) I sat in my bed awaiting the delivery. While I was waiting, I attempted to change my clothes without leaving my bed. My dresser was across the room. But I was able to keep my feet on the bed, stretch out, and land my hands on the top of the dresser. I stayed there suspended, till I figured out how to open my drawers. I had to rest my forehead on the dresser and reach down with my arms. The next sight was a rather unusual one, trying to change in that position, but I succeeded. Then I realized my neighbors were looking in my window. Unfortunately I could not get over there to lower the blinds. Next thing was quite a chore. In fact it was my morning chores…making my bed. This was rather difficult. Finally, I was able to bounce a quarter on the bedsheets while balancing on the bedpost. Then the doorbell rang. Big problem. It was the pizza man, but still I could not get to my food. My food had to come to me! Fortunately I had an intercom system.

“Who’s there?” I growled.

“Pizza boy!”

I explained to him how I was an invalid, who is unable to move from his bed, and my regular nurse was off duty and left me alone, and how I needed him to bring the pizza up to my room. He seemed reluctant to obey my wishes. Finally I had to resort to pretending to be having a heart attack. He rushed up the stairs, and fortunately, he remembered the pizza. Naturally he was slightly angered to find that I was not an invalid nor was I having a heart attack. But I did have a crisp fifty dollar bill for him, which he was pleased about. So I sent him on his way, and began to eat my breakfast. The day went on. Lunch came and went. I ate more pizza. I was beginning to get bored. I was beginning to get extremely bored. I was bored, I continued to be bored, I hit my head on the headboard…I found a board game under my bed. I became bored. The day went on. The shadows lengthened. Night was coming. I skipped supper. I was bored of pizza. Suddenly, it dawned on me…I couldn’t brush my teeth! My whole day was wasted when I got out of bed to brush my teeth.

                Thus ends this week’s reflection. And then my mirror image disappeared.