Episode 36

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. I found a cheap car in Las Vegas. I drove into California that same morning, still mourning my loss of a million dollars. After spending a few hours stuck in traffic, I finally realized my car was useless here. So next time I saw a speeding motor cycle heading down the center line of the highway, next to all our idling cars, I flung open my door at the last second. I called 911, but dialed 411 by accident. So I decided just to leave the poor dude lying in the street. His bike made much better time than my car. I arrived in LA in only a few minutes. Then I paused and I reflected on life, and I sat and pondered my situation. And I realized I had done it. I had arrived in California, and I had no idea why, or what to do next. My money was spent. My time was fleeting, flying away. My neighbor’s cat was scratching to get back in. As I sat on that park bench I had a revelation. The world shifted into slow motion and I saw golden locks of blond hair with the sunlight behind her head. It was…Hannah Montana. Ah, Hannah. Montana. Nebraska. Furniture Mart. Wal-Mart. Marty McFly. Fly Paper. Newspaper. Concert Ads. Hannah Montana….Nebraska. What was I thinking about? Ah yes, Hannah Montana. There she was, gliding down the side walk like a goddess. As if in slow motion, her high heel stuck between the cracks in the pavement. Slowly she fell. I could see bruised knees and skinned elbows in her near future. I lunged forward like Flash, like Hercules. I caught her. I was in love. She was in my arms. I closed my eyes. I sniffed in the fragrance of her hair. Her wig stuck to my nose. She screamed. She was bald as a baby’s bottom! But she reached into her bag and pulled out her brown wig and suddenly Hannah Montana was no more. I blinked for a second and she was gone, in her place was an average teenage girl name Miley Stuart. She hushed me and pulled me into the back of a limo. Then I paused and I reflected on life and I realized, she was one and the same – two girls – both bald. We screeched to a halt. After I got out of the limo, a short blond haired boy with a doofy smile shoved me into a chest. It was his dad’s chest.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared