Episode 54

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. I had a mission. To save the world. Oh yeah. First, I needed a cigar. I was going deep under cover. I had to look like a gangster. The president was sending me to Antarctica. Apparently there was a mob wreaking havoc at an observation station deep in the wild wasteland. After I walked a while in the subway, I boarded the train and set off for Antarctica. As a secret agent I had access to one of the worlds little known marvels ––The United Railroad Station Transport Under Pacific Inter Dimensional, or, URSTUPID (if you believe this) for short. Within a few minutes I had arrived at my destination. I exited the URSTUPID and headed for the observation station. I was expecting to meet a bunch of thugs with machine guns (hence the cigar) but instead, I was confronted by a massive army – dare I say mob – of penguins. Rather disappointed, I paused, and reflected on life. Then I realized this was the mob the president had asked me to disperse. With a sigh, I snapped my fingers. Then I yelled “disperse ye rebels!” I was disappointed to see they did not heed my cry. Then I paused, and reflected on life and realized that penguins probably didn’t speak English. So I shouted the same in French. Slowly, the penguins dispersed. My mission was almost complete. I had yet but one task to complete. The president had ordered me to control the station for a month. Like a good soldier, I do not question my orders.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 53

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Today, I got a phone call. I rushed into the kitchen and picked up the phone. I heard a dial tone. Again, I heard the phone ring. It was coming from somewhere upstairs. Then I remembered the red phone. It had been a long time since I had gotten a call on the red phone. The last time I had spoken on the red phone, the president had asked me to stop sending him yo’ mama jokes by email. Yes, that’s right. My red phone connects me directly with the president of the United States of America. I rummaged through my closet, searching for the red phone. Finally I found it. I flipped it open. “Go,” I said. “Yes, this is Smith….okay…okay. Got it.” I hung up the phone. I had been ordered on my first mission in a long time. Quickly I ran to the nearest phone booth and closed the door. When I emerged I was dressed in my secret agent man costume. I stared walking down the street. You know, that cool walk that looks like it’s in slow motion on TV. I slammed into a light post. Pulling down my shades, I looked around to see if anyone had seen my escapade. Then I looked around for my escape. I spotted a man hole thirty feet away. Quickly I ran with my hands to my sides. I made a duck, and a roll, and fell in the hole. In the hole, it was completely dark. Until I took off my shades. Then I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Quickly it approached. I heard a roar. It sounded like a tornado. As the light drew near, I realized it was the subway. I flung myself to the side. Then I paused and reflected on life, and realized, I had barely escaped death. Then I paused and reflected on death, and realized, it is a gateway to the unknown. I took a step into the gateway. Thus ends the life of Mr. Smith…okay, not really. I didn’t step into the train. I waited till it had passed. I’m not that anxious to die.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.