Episode 48

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Its game day. Someone gave me tickets to a Cardinals game. Not just any old game, it’s the game that’s today. Who are they playing? Who cares it’s the Cardinals!

I hopped in my car and I went far.
I slipped on a soap bar.
I got a sandwich, grilled. Char,
that is. On the way to the game, I picked up a dame.
I don’t know her name. I’m kinda lame.
When I got there, I took my chair.
A ball went fair. I couldn’t see for the glare.
The runner came home.
We weren’t under a dome.
I saw a man playing a trombone.
He wasn’t alone.
The Cardinals had scored.
But then rain poured.
In a delay I got bored.
I prayed to the Lord,
please let the Cardinals win!
I was poked by a pin.
That was a sin.
The game started again.
The Cardinals kept on winning.
Someone kept on sinning.
It was just the beginning
of the ninth inning.
Pujols hit it hard.
It went out of the yard.
It landed in the lap of a bard,
eating a can of lard.
The game was at an end.
I drove round the bend.
I was left to fend
for myself, because it’s the end.

Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 47

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. I do my own designing. I designed my house, I design my clothes, I even designed my own boat once. Just the other day I decided to design my own tree house. Whenever you start designing a tree house, you have to start with the basics. The most important of these is the tree. So I read up on the internet on the strongest types of trees and decided that pine was the way to go. So I went to the store and bought some pine and planted it in my backyard.

That’s when I discovered, trees take a long time to grow. So I decided to go with a tree that was already grown. Unfortunately, my backyard has no trees. But my neighbor’s does. It sits right next to my fence. Sometimes the leaves fall into my backyard, which makes me rather angry, because it’s never enough to make a good leaf pile, just enough to tease you. So, that night, I snuck outside and moved my fence to the other side of the tree, thus extending my yard.So, with the most important piece in place, I commenced to designing my tree house. This is my tree house:

Unfortunately, I made a few minor math errors, and it ended up looking like this:

Oh well. If people complain, I can always move my fence back and say it’s on my neighbor’s property.
Thus ends this week's reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

[images copyright Mr. Smith 2009]

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1.03.01

Episode 46

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. As I walked into the restaurant, a fancy dressed gentleman came up to me and said something I could not understand. I asked him to repeat himself. Again, he spoke something in that nasally tone I could not understand. I made signs with my hands, trying to communicate, trying to tell him I wanted a pet lobster. Apparently he thought I was choking, because he called 911. While he was busy I slipped into the back. There I was facing a glass case, full of lovely lobsters. I wanted one. I needed one. I had to have a lobster! Looking around I searched for a way of retrieving a lobster. Finally in the corner I spotted a step ladder. I leaned it up against the case. I ascended on high. As I reached down, to grab a lobster, I leaned farther and farther, and suddenly there was a loud noise, and in rushed a paramedic team. They slammed into my ladder and sent me flying. The world shifted into slow motion. I felt myself falling to what appeared to be my doom. I fell head first into the tank. As I sank to the bottom, the lobsters attacked me and bit into my flesh. I wanted to scream, but when I opened my mouth, only water and lobster claws rushed in. Suddenly a human hand reached down and pulled me out of the water. I had been saved by the paramedics who had been called to save a choking man, whom they never found.
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 45

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Today I decided to go to the pet store. I wanted to buy a pet. And I assumed the Pet Store was called the Pet Store because you buy pets there. Little did I know that the pet store I was going to was not your typical pet store. As I walked in the door a young lady walked up to me and asked “what have you got to sell?” Apparently this was the kind of pet store where you sell pets, not buy them. I didn’t have any pets on me, so I told her I’d come back later. I continued walking down the street in my search for a pet. I saw a goldfish swimming in a pool in a pothole in the road. The light shimmered as it glinted off the fish. Mesmerized, I stepped towards it. Suddenly a bus zoomed by. Its wheel hit the pothole and the fish was squashed flat. I shed a tear for that fish that day. Alas, it was not to be my pet. So I continued walking down the street. I passed by a fancy restaurant, I saw a display of many lovely looking lobsters. I decided to go see if I could buy a pet lobster.
Thus ends this week's reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.

Episode 44

Reflections from the life and times of Mr. Smith. Today I was especially hot. And I’m not talking about the weather. Okay, I guess I am. I decided to go to the pool. And I paused and reflected on life and wondered, what is “the pool”? Which pool is it? Should I go to my neighborhood pool? Go to my neighbor’s pool? Go to my pool in my dollhouse? I decided to go to the pool in my dollhouse. I know what you’re thinking. It is a little weird for a grown man to have a dollhouse. It was given to me by my dearly departed mother. Unfortunately, this pool was rather small. I stepped in one toe at a time. Then my big toe got stuck. Then I decided that I was still hot. So I went to my neighbor’s pool. I hopped over his fence and ran and dove down next to his bushes. I popped my head up and looked around. There was no one to be seen, so I jumped into the water. Unfortunately, there was no water to be seen. I forgot he was cleaning his pool. So there I was, stuck at the bottom of an empty pool. Let me give you his pool’s dimensions. Roughly 20 feet long, 15 feet wide and 20 feet deep. There is no shallow end. As I sat in the pool, I wondered, would I ever escape alive. Then I paused and reflected on life and realized I was not alone. I brought my rubber ducky!
Thus ends this week’s reflections. And then my mirror image disappeared.